Dealing With Rude, Mean People On the Internet

I once had someone leave a comment on one of my videos that said — and I am quoting directly — "You are the most annoying person on the internet and I hope you choke."

On a video about productivity. A video where I suggested people might want to check their email less often.

My first reaction was laughter. My second reaction was: "This person has clearly never seen the internet."

But I also remember the days when those comments would have ruined my week. When I would read a mean comment and feel sick to my stomach for hours. When I would second-guess everything I said because, what if they were right?

Here is what 23 years online has taught me: rude people are part of the territory. And you can learn to handle them without them handling you.

Why People Are Rude Online

First, let me save you a lot of grief: it is not about you.

Most rude, mean behavior online has almost nothing to do with the person being attacked. It is about the person attacking. They are angry, frustrated, lonely, or going through something difficult — and they are using the internet as an outlet.

Studies consistently show that anonymity or perceived distance brings out the worst in people. They would never say these things to your face. But online, with the shield of a screen, they feel empowered to say things they would never otherwise say.

This is not a comfortable truth. But it is the truth. Most people who are rude to you online would be perfectly pleasant to you in person.

Do Not Feed the Trolls

There is an old internet saying: "Do not feed the trolls." And it is sage advice.

Every second you spend engaging with someone who is being deliberately provocative is a second you are not spending on the people who actually support you, who actually want to learn from you, who actually want to give you money.

I used to respond to every comment. Every criticism. Every "actually, you are wrong." I thought it was the right thing to do. It was just exhausting and draining and I was giving away my energy to people who did not deserve it.

Now I have a simple rule: if a comment does not move the conversation forward, I do not respond to it.

If someone has a genuine question or a different perspective they can articulate respectfully, I am all for engaging. But if they are just being cruel for the sake of being cruel? They do not get my attention. That is a privilege, not a right.

Blocking Is a Feature, Not a Bug

One of the most liberating things I ever did for my mental health online was to stop feeling guilty about blocking people.

You do not owe anyone access to your platform. You do not owe anyone your time, your attention, or your emotional energy. Your comment section, your DMs, your email inbox — these are your spaces. You get to decide who gets to be in them.

If someone is being consistently rude, mean, or disrespectful — block them. Delete their comments. Remove them from your communities. Do not engage, do not debate, do not try to "win" the argument.

Some people will say this is "censorship." I call it boundary-setting. And it is one of the most important skills you will develop as an online business owner.

Create a Comment Policy Before You Need It

The worst time to decide how you handle rude people is when you are already triggered. Decide ahead of time what gets ignored, what gets deleted, what gets blocked, and what deserves a calm response. That decision protects your emotional energy and keeps you from turning every stranger's opinion into a business emergency.

If the fear underneath the comment is really rejection, pair this article with dealing with fear of rejection in business. If you are worried that being visible will make people judge your identity, strengthen the way you show up by reading how to create your persona in business and boost confidence. And when your brain starts looping on one negative comment, come back to taking imperfect action instead of overthinking.

Your audience does not need you to win arguments with people who were never going to buy. They need you to keep speaking clearly to the people you are called to help.

Decide What Deserves a Response

Not every negative comment belongs in the same category. Some people are confused and need clarification. Some disagree respectfully and can create a useful conversation. Some are hurt and communicating poorly. And some are simply trying to pull you into a fight. If you treat all four groups the same, you will either become harsh with sincere people or too available to destructive people.

Use a simple filter. Is there a real question here? Is the person showing good faith? Would answering help the broader audience? Can I respond without abandoning my peace? If the answer is yes, respond calmly and briefly. If the answer is no, move on. Silence is not weakness. It is often wisdom.

This protects your authority. You are not online to audition for approval from strangers. You are there to serve the people who are actually assigned to learn from you.

The Fear of Judgment Is Holding You Back More Than You Know

Here is the real cost of mean people online: they make you stop putting yourself out there.

I have watched incredibly talented coaches and course creators stay invisible because they were afraid of getting trolled. They let the fear of someone saying something mean keep them from building the business they actually wanted.

This is the hidden cost. It is not just the emotional toll of reading a mean comment. It is the business you did not build, the content you did not create, the offers you did not launch because you were scared of what people would say.

That fear is keeping you small. And the people who are rude online? They will move on to the next target. They always do. But the business you did not build? That is on you.

Build a Visibility Routine That Keeps You Moving

The answer is not to wait until you feel unbothered by criticism. The answer is to build a routine that keeps you visible even when criticism exists. Decide how often you will post, when you will check comments, and when you will stop checking. Decide what support you need after a rough interaction. Decide what action proves you are still moving forward.

That routine matters because rude people thrive when they interrupt your rhythm. One comment becomes three days of hiding. One message becomes a week of second-guessing. You do not beat that by arguing better. You beat it by returning to the work faster.

If a comment stings, process it, learn anything useful, and then create the next helpful thing. Momentum is how you remind yourself that the mission is bigger than the noise.

That is also why I do not recommend checking reactions all day. Create first. Serve first. Then review comments in a defined window with a clear head. Your best work should not be shaped by the most reactive person in the room.

If you need to, write the next post before you read the last comment. Let creation lead and reaction follow. That order keeps your confidence anchored in obedience, service, and practice instead of applause. Build that habit before the criticism gets loud, so your obedience is not waiting for the internet to be kind.

Build Your Confidence From the Inside

The antidote to the fear of judgment is not more confidence from external validation. It is internal certainty about who you are and what you stand for.

When you know, deep down, that you are showing up to genuinely help people — that you are not a fraud, not a scammer, not the person the troll says you are — their comments lose their power.

I have had my share of criticism over the years. Some of it was fair. Some of it was not. But the thing that keeps me steady is this: I know why I do what I do. I know who I am trying to help. And I know that not everyone is my person.

Handling rejection and judgment in business is a skill that separates the coaches who build sustainable businesses from the ones who burn out.

Focus on Your People, Not the Noise

Here is what I want you to take away from this post: the people who love you and your work are infinitely more important than the people who do not.

Every piece of content you create, every offer you launch, every person you serve — some people will love it and some people will hate it. That is the nature of putting yourself out there.

But the people who love it? They are why you do this. They are the ones who need you. And they are counting on you to keep showing up, even when there are mean comments in the mix.

Do not let the noise drown out the signal. Do not let one negative comment undo the work you are doing to help hundreds of positive ones.

Keep going. Keep creating. Keep serving. The people who need you are worth it.

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If rude comments make you second-guess your voice, why people-pleasing is killing your coaching business is the deeper pattern worth paying attention to.

And if you need the cleaner boundary version, here's why you should stop people-pleasing gives you a practical way to say no without spiraling.